I thought it might be helpful to break down my process for editing a sentence through sharing this example from my work today. It comes from a 25-page report I’m editing for a state-wide mental health support unit.
Original sentence:
There were three main priority areas that were identified by the organisation.
Things that jump out immediately:
- Empty phrase ‘there were’
- Passive voice – requires extra words like ‘that were’ and ‘by’
First step: Cut out ‘there were’ and ‘that’:
There were three main priority areas that were identified by the organisation.
The sentence can now read:
Three main priority areas were identified by the organisation.
Second step: We can further strengthen the sentence by converting it from passive to active voice.
This means recognising who is the one taking the action and bringing that to the front of the sentence, cutting out unnecessary words and making it immediately clear who’s doing what. It also brings vibrancy and strength to the writing and is easier to read.
The sentence therefore becomes:
The organisation identified three main priority areas.
You could even take it one step further and remove ‘main’ (because a priority area to me implies it’s a main area), but for the sake of this example, we can leave this here.
Here’s the result:
Before:
There were three main priority areas that were identified by the organisation.
After:
The organisation identified three main priority areas.
I hope you found this insight into an editor’s process interesting!
mage credit: by detakstudio, from Adobe Stock here.
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